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Hey, I've recently come across a few people telling my good self to 'grow up', and I was wondering what exactly this means.
I have taken it to mean 'stop acting in an immature fashion', which is vague at best as well as it leaves the crux of the statement undefined.
So I began trying to define 'immature' as well, which I have decided is 'not displaying maturity'. And as there is no real definition of 'maturity' past 'grown up' I have decreed that I will not subject your minds to the vicious cycle that is this incredibly retarded idea.
The point of all of this is to hopefully show you morons who use this as your fall-back, ambiguous argument ender, that it doesn't WIN the argument for you, it simply shows the rest of us that you don't have anything rational left in your head to argue the point.
And seeing as this type of retarded come-back comes up as a result of my behaviour that apparently exemplifies the idea, I thought I would delve into it and its 'nemesis' for a moment.
Its nemesis of course being pretending to be your parents by acting like you have responsibilities, acting with over-the-top dignity and decorum, pretending to enjoy the 'finer points of life' (rather than what you actually enjoy) and refusing to actually define these 'finer points' as well. So all up, generally behaving like a pretentious, conceited, contrived asshole who is over-concerned with their personal image; regardless of wether or not your parents act like that.
As opposed, of course, by my tendencies to have fun and ridicule the aforementioned assholes who would critisise me for it.
So this idea basically comes down to people trying to disguise both their lack of personality and their personal insecurites with vague criticisms of those who don't care about what they have to say so that they can act like a smug asswipe until they actually find themselves in the position that our parents find themselves in now, with responsibilites and with children to look after and resent themselves for not enjoying their youth while they had the time to.
So, in answer to your 'grow up' I say, 'FUCK OFF'.
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I have a fairly simple question to ask of everyone.
Does anyone else find the garbage trucks we have in Mount Gambier ironic and really ridiculous?
I was at the petrol station the other day and I noticed one of the vehicles sitting at the traffic lights.
Looking up to the top of the monstrosity, I saw the phrase 'help keep Mount Gambier beautiful'.
This was just before the beast drove off spewing thick black smoke from its diesel engine, and lumbered across the city acting as an eyesore for all to see.
I laughed.
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I had this really good conversation the other day.
It was bordering on mediocre up until a point though, my involvement was the only thing that was making it even remotely worthwhile.
Then, magic happened.
I was declared egotistical.
Now, ordinarily this wouldn't be the kind of thing that excited me, but this person was being particularly dumb in that they thought they were my equal.
That and they thought that sharing this with me was the right thing to do considering they then contacted me later asking if I wanted to catch up to 'give friends another shot'.
The SMS that they sent me was full of stupid acronyms and what I like to call 'dip-shit shorthand' (where the writer doesn't include vowels, complete or legible sentences/words, cohesive speech and intelligence) to the point that it pained my eyes to read it.
That however, is running away from the point a little.
The point is that after this point, I decided to play a little game.
The game is called 'Torment-a-Dipshit' and the aim is to change the subject's opinion on a matter regarding yourself in as little time as possible, using no evidence and contradicting every action you have ever made as much as possible.
I think I earned roughly 85 out of a possible 100 points.
Ha ha, I crack myself up. Trying to convince people that I'm fallible and didn't get full marks... Ha ha, that's almost like I'm their equal or something!
I'm always on the ball.
All torment aside, I ended up telling them that the reason I act the way I do is because I'm secretly insecure, and them being the dip-shit that they are believed it!
Then I started acting really offended and they were saying all this dip-shit speak like 'OMG! IM SO SRRY! I DIDNT MEEN 2 HRT UR FEELINGS!'
Heres a tip for you:
Fuck off.
The moral of this story is before making assumptions or even accusations about another person make sure you aren't a total dumbass first.
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Children these days are dipshits and I'd be inclined to say that it's in no small part the fault of the crappy Children's programming today.
I remember back in the good old days of my youth that Children's TV was more violent, perverted and depraved than any other programming on at the time. It was edgy, in-your-face, funny and it didn't try to be politically correct or educational.
What we need, is to go back to the good old days of Children's TV.
What we need, is the Saturday Sodomy Hour.
Children need that kind of funducational humour otherwise they turn out to be total dipshits.
Example: This Generation.
Children need shows that teach them the realities of life whilst in the guise of sodomistic fetish TV that their parents can pretend they don't enjoy. Children need to know that they don't deserve to have their own opinions because they're far too stupid.
Children need to learn that they're not special or unique because they're all far too stupid.
Furthermore, children need to learn these all important facts of life from someone with something other than their head in their ass.
It's this kind of exposure to alternative lifestyles that teaches children not be narrow minded dipshits like their parents.
Now, I'm well aware that there are going to be people that won't like this idea. I'm well prepared for that eventuality.
I am like Galileo and other sodomistic sympathisers, whose true genius has never been popularly recognised until years after their deaths.
However, unlike them, I am seriously capable of stomping so many people's shit that it isn't funny.
If anyone stands in my way, I'll rain so much doom and destruction upon them with my awesome and absolute power that they won't know which way to nail their nuts on; and then, as they lie bruised and battered after my victorious onslaught, for the sake of irony, I'll sodomise them so hard that they die from being torn in half related injuries.
Anyway, that's my idea. Tell me if you like it.
Fuck off if you don't.
The moral of this story is a lack of sodomistic fetish TV for children has led to people being dipshits.
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I have decreed that fellatio is also on top of the list of most fucking AWESOME things in the world.
How, might you ask, do two seemingly contradictory ideas as fellatio and mysogyny both fit on the top of the list? Can one be seen as more important than the other? Does one have to sacrifice fellatio on the path to misogyny? Or is it vice-versa?
Is the irony of seeking masculine enlightenment that we can never truly achieve it?
Are we doomed to spend our lives striving towards to opposite ideals?
Is it because we degrade women by using them for fellatio? Does this allow us to move towards both ideas simultaneously? The answer is no, for this gives women a role, a USE, it tells them that they have a purpose and that is unforgivable!
And one clearly cannot have a man perform fellatio on them, as homosexualism is clearly on the bottom of any list organised by awesomeosity.
Fear not though, my idealistic brothers. There is a way.
There is... An answer..
There is...
... Hope...
The truth is deceptively simple.
One can quite easily forget that narcissism also resides at the top of the most awesome human characteristics, and it is from this that we draw our answer.
SOLO FELLATIO!
All benefits of fellatio, none of the inferiority of women and none of the un-awesomeness of homosexualism!
YOU CAN'T LOSE!
Think about it, it's not gay because you cant be gay with yourself and you're taking away a traditionally female role! All while enjoying a good old bit of fellatio!
The moral of this story is abstract masculinity rules! AND SO DOES MY PENIS!
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Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
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If people weren't dumbfucks... that would be really special...
I've recieved some comments from people who seem to have made the assumption that I'm some sort of ego-centric dumbfuck...
This is the kind of thing I get sent from pseudo-intellectuals who think that I give a shit what their illiterate dipshit mouth spews out.
'I'm a dumbfuck, I think you're wrong because [insert stupid poorly written and rationalised reason] about [satirical JOKE] and i just thought I'd waste your time and brain cells by telling you all about it'
Obviously, their writing was much more poorly written and they weren't as honest about their dipshittery... I had to rewrite it so that it was legible and honest.
Oh, that and 'Your last post was stupid because I'm a dumbfuck that doesn't understand satire'
People seem to think that posting here is going to change my mind, or that their obnoxious, self-righteous verbal diarrhea is worth listening to.
Anyway...
Fuck Off.
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Misogyny and Narssicism.
I seriously think that those two are the most absolutely AWESOME of all human characteristics.
I think if I was a superhero I'd be Captain Chauvanism and I'd come from the Planet Misogyny and have my powers enhanced by the Earth's malignant narssicism.
The story would go something like this:
Captain Chauvanism's mild mannered alter-ego 'MacDaddy' was walking down the street to his work at a forest reserve where he serves as a lumberjack when, suddenly he saw a high-rise building ablaze with a mother standing around screaming some shit about her baby that noone cares about.
As our dashing hero ran to the building he tore off shis clothes and put on his beer-helmet, revealing his muscular form with the letters 'CC' emblazoned on his chest almost obscured by the sheer volume of muscle and chest hair.
After switching to Captain Chauvanism, our hero smacks down the woman responsible for the bitching and whining and kicks down the burning building with the baby (and anyone in there trying to resue it) still inside issuing his gutteral war-cry 'Fuck Up' as he went.
Then some dumb bitch came up and started bitching at him about how that was 'so wrong' and 'blah blah blah' bullshit, until Captain Chauvanism turned around and tore her in half with his manhood as she unashamedly jumped at it.
Then all the women in the area started jumping his mighty manhood and he tore them all in half with it until his evil arch-nemesis the evil femenazi with her femenazi army turned up, sporting their revolting... ness... and their pussy-whipped male cohorts.
After a gigantic battle our hero, Captain Chauvanism sent them all back to the foul pits of hell where they belong looking like raccoons after he turkey slapped them all so hard that he guffawed nails at the men who crumbled because they're weak-willed dick-weeds that by into the popular misconception that they should be little pussies.
And thats it... What do you think? Does it rule or what?
The moral of this story is that my penis is awesome.
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Anything that is synonymous with or a by-product of popular culture.
I just tried to watch 'The Simpsons' and was bombarded with a non-stop shitfest of advertising that managed to pervade every element of the experience.
It was akin to being stood in front of a giant hose that said 'popular culture' that spurted forth a gigantic stream of shit at me until I fell over and it consumed me. Except it didnt consume me, I was smart enough to jump out of the way and let some other dickhead take the force of the blast and drown in the unholy rape of his ears, eyes and mind.
It's a real shame when people can stand around talking about geriatric, gentrified old farts like U2 and The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, or anything on MTV or Video Hits as though they actually enjoy it and they aren't just conceited and contrived losers that need to be shot; all the while actually taking themselves seriously.
No, scrap that... It's a shame when anyone can live in a media culture and take themselves or their opinions seriously.
Popular Culture insults peoples intelligence and creates a morally bankrupt, ethicless, mindless and obscene culture in which our perceptions of reality are governed by mediocracy.
We're fed generic thoughts through generic stereotypes who we mimic and eventually become because we're too afraid to exercise independence or actually exercise our minds once in a while.
The moral of this story is Fuck you.
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Well, here we are again. I've had yet another epiphany, I've written a song and I still think everyone is retarded.
This entry centres on my epiphany, so... Kiss my ass.
Anyway, I have concluded that eating meat is the most barbaric pass-time imaginable, and it is a pass-time as it is not at all necessary that human beings eat meat. People consume the charred flesh of once living creatures because they enjoy it not because of any great need to.
So, this has been classified amongst the most uncaring, callous and selfish things that I can think of.
Especially when you say to people 'Sorry, I don't eat meat, I'm a vegetarian' and they look at me like I'm the wierd, uncaring selfish asshole because of my impudence in refusing to eat the meat they so generously offered me.
These narrow minded assholes have themselves so convinced that their choice of lifestyle is superior that they don't even entertain the idea that someone else may be right.
We were talking about vegetarianism one day at work and one of the stupid women out there got on her soap-box and started rambling about how she couldn't understand it and that we could 'give her a chop any day', she then said that she didn't eat rice because she thinks it looks like maggots or yoghurt because 'it's just off milk'.
Reasons that she's a stupid bitch:
1. She can't grasp that another persons opinion on a subject is equally valid or that vegetarians can't grasp how she could be so uncaring as to eat a part of a once living, breathing creature.
2. She doesn't eat rice or yoghurt because she's terribly stupid.
3. She pushes her opinions on people and makes them resent her point of view.
So, the moral of this story is that anyone that can't understand why another person chooses to do something or uses their lack of understanding as a basis to make a judgement is a narrow minded and conceited asshole.
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Alrighties... Up til this point, I've really only been letting Dooley post anything here as it isn't a forum, this is a showcase of my personal thoughts and mine alone.
That being said, I have decreed that if your thoughts would sway my own in real life, then you are allowed to post here.
Basically, I'll work this out using the method that follows
- If you demonstrate a semblance of intelligence you'll be allowed to post here
I'll determine what classifies.
Also, I've being wantonly deleting all anonymous posting, anonymous posts will now be graded against the 'semblence of intelligence rule' as well, so from now on I'll be accepting anonymous posting here as long as what is said is consistently intelligent.
The moral of this story is I'll still be accepting about as many comments as I have been.
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I was just now approached by someone who was wondering why I don't like them, as they find this out by reading my journal which has several references to them.
DID YOU FUCKING READ THE DAMN THING?!?
If the journal is full of references to you then how can you not discern an answer from it? This is exactly the kind of nihilistic stuff that Dooley as been trying to spoon-feed you dumb-asses, you live in an imaginary construct, none of what you see or perceive is real, or matters. The real world exists outside of the comfortable little reality that's been created for you; other people are real, other people dislike and even hate you, there is a real human suffering aside from the selfish 'I'm so angsty, I'm going to cut/hang/shoot myself' crap that we get taught is symptomatic of real pain.
The only suffering we feel comes from the emptiness we cannot escape as our subconcious comes to terms with our own shallow selves.
What the hell is wrong with you people? You're so freaking dumb that you can't even create your own perception of reality, you get thoughts and feelings shoved down your throat and you just take it all in, soaking it up until you're not even real anymore, you're generic contructs that move, breed and swarm around, supporting a class that is intelligent enough to see that they can farm you because you're too dumb to see that they're doing it.
How can you not see that you're all the same? As soon as someone acts or (god forbid) thinks differently, you get uncomfortable. It's like you're unable to react to this new change of perception and you attack it.
Think about all the times that you've looked down on someone for looking different, or dressing differently.
Think about what you're doing. You're just helping our society to perpetuate the exploitation of the proletariat class by forcing people to conform to it.
FUCK YOU! THINK FOR YOURSELVES!
The moral of this story is that I hate this generified contruct that you dumbarses call a civilisation.
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My ex-girlfriend, who shall remain nameless, has just recently pulled an absolutely massive double standard on her friends. For the longest time she bagged them out for being with guys that are a fair bit older than them (8 years at the most) and she has now recently started going out with a guy equally as old.
And as i have plenty of time to ponder and consider things out in the pines, this got me thinking, What the fuck was the point of her going on her moral trip and objecting to their being with older guys in the first place?
What the fuck gives her, or anyone for that matter, the right to judge when they're just going to go and make total hypocrites of themselves?
As well as that, now that her credibility has been totally shattered, I've paused and thought about the things that she said and (tried) to do to me when we broke up (it was a messy breakup by the way) that played on my insecurities, I now really do wonder about their validity and wether anything that she said while we were together meant anything to her.
Actually, that's another one of her double standards, she used to fairly vehemently attack me for 'not meaning what I say' and has now demonstrated to me that she's the one that places no value on truth and honesty.
She's just a total moron, she pulls the most amazing double standards and constantly contradicts herself. fuck, hypocrites suck.
The moral of this story is that the kind of people that my ex-girlfriend exemplifies are total tools and they don't deserve to be with anyone, or have friends as good as the ones that have stuck by her even after she has bagged them out for almost everything for that matter.
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I went to what will be formerly known as one of my thursday night haunts last night. I say formerly because now it's plagued by a mindless horde of trendy, twenty-something losers that have nothing better to do than turn up at open mic night and ruin it for the people there trying to listen and perform by talking and generally being annoying pieces of shit.
It's not even so much that they're there, or that they're talking and destroying a really good mood and vibe, it's just that they're so fucking dumb. I said something that i thought was fairly straightforward (I was paying out Travis for being a loser by the way) and i recieved a wall of blank stares and silence, not even a titter.
It was at this point that i realised why I fucking hate those people, they don't do or conribute anything to anyone. The world after them will be exactly the same as it was before them, they don't change anything, they just join the proletariat class and serve to lift the exceptional onto their shoulders.
They're just a writhing, swarming, mindless mass that perpetuate our bullshit little plutocracy of a society.
Fuck them.
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I started my new job at the Glencoe Nursery (trees, not babies assholes) the other day... Well almost a fortnight ago now, but anyway, that's not the point.
There's a real mix of people out there, the occasional normal person (ie. me and the people I talk to), the majority party (ie. a whole swag of haggard old crones that actually CACKLE, I didn't even know anyone but fictional characters cackled, but yeah, you learn something new every day), the mothers that are just there because their husbands don't want them at home all day thinking about affairs with the milkman, the people trying to save to go overseas (about 10 of us by the way, I was surprised); and then, there's the dysfunctional asswipes that really make you appreciate sentient life.
These guys aren't just dumb, they redefine the concepts of idiocy and stupidity. They're the kind of guys (incidentally, they are all guys) that if there was an olympics for dumbasses, they would be to idiocy and stupidity as Kenya is to long distance running.
I'm not joking, the trees are capable of a higher grade of thought than these guys... Actually, scrap that, the trees near them aren't, they're stuck in the aura of stupidity that drains all living things of their ability to rationalise or think beyond the smell that gets stuck on their fingers when they touch their anuses.
In their defence though, one of them does a very convincing chimpanzee impersonation when he eats bananas.
Seriously, these guys are dumb.
The moral of this story, dumb people fuck me off... Don't be near me or I'll fantasise about (and eventually actualise) your painful death.
P.S. I FUCKING HATE THE WAY AMERICANS SPELL EVERYTHING WITH Z's... WHY CAN'T THEY JUST SPELL LIKE THE REST OF US?!? IT'S RATIONALISE, NOT RATIONALIZE ASSHOLES!!
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It was my eighteenth birthday yesterday, so i'm tired, hungover and generally in a pissed of mood and i figured that now might be as good a time as any to finally start using this angst charged medium.
Seeing as this was intended to be a bitching tool that would allow me to stereotype people that i don't like and basically demonstrate why their personalities suck ass, i figure that might be as good a place as any to start.
After a week of being approached by assholes trying to invite themselves to my family barbeque i finally got to have a dipshit free couple of hours and had a really good time drinking and eating and having sword fights. So at about 2130 (after about 4.5 hours of swashbuckling) we decided to go down the street and catch up with everyone else that didn't come to the barbeque.
Anyway, imagine me in a really good mood, not pissed off at all. Then imagine the kind of cockheads that remember me from highschool and find out that it's my eighteenth. Then imagine them talking to me.
1. I hated them in highschool, they hated me. Why don't they fuck off now?
2. Why the fuck would you talk to someone you hardly know just because it's their birthday?
3. Why do dipshits always come up and talk to me when i'm in a good mood?
What the fuck was their problem? I was happily minding my own business and not acknowledging their existence and they had the audacity to come and pull me off of cloud nine to talk to me in their drunken, footy fuck, dipshit manner.
What can i say? they fucked me off no end and expected me to be happy to see them. They didn't deserve their sphincters, so i put my boots (pirate theme for my eighteenth) up their asses and used them as shoes.
Sure they cried a lot but it was worth it and made me look as brutal as a pirate.
Anyway, after i pulled my boot out of their asses (along with their heads) i set out to drink and caught up with more of said dipshits. After knocking back many a manly drink and destroying at pool i staggered out of the dipshit infested place and passed out in the fidlers car park.
The moral of that story is that you shouldn't drink around anyone except the kind of people that you'd invite to a family barbeque, otherwise you'll get so pissed off that you only last til midnight.
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